More satire, this time from Sacred Sandwich

I had posted the following on my own blog about a year and a half ago. When you stop to think about it, it is more sad than it is humorous. And that because it is just as relevant now as it was then.

So here, then, is some satire, originally posted by the guys at Sacred Sandwich:

BUSY FAMILY HIRES PERSONAL CHURCH SHOPPER

DECEMBER 2006 — Growing bored with the outdated programs at their present church, the Henman family of Peoria, IL, recently hired Lucy Ditmer, a personal shopper, to find them a new church home to meet their spiritual needs. “Between my boy’s hockey games and my girl’s dance classes, I really don’t have the time to go church shopping,” said Helen Henman. “It’s a great relief to know that Lucy can take care of all that. The last thing Phil and I want to do right now is spend every Sunday morning going to strange churches just to see if they have cushioned seating and a proper food court.”

Ditmer, who has over five years experience as a personal shopper at Macy’s, began advertising her church shopping services when she saw a need for busy families who find it difficult to squeeze a religious life into their hectic schedules. “Most churches nowadays have sermons that last from ten minutes to an excruciating half hour,” Lucy explained. “My clients just don’t want to put themselves through that kind of ordeal when all they really want to know is whether the youth program has a Playstation 3. With my service, the clients just give me a checklist of all their felt needs and I do all the dirty work while they’re sleeping in on Sunday morning.”

One of Ditmer’s recent success stories comes from Judith and Bob Nickerson, a pair of sports enthusiasts who were looking for a church that provided for their physical needs as well as their spiritual ones. “Coming from a Methodist background, we were really surprised when Lucy recommended the Beth Israel Synagogue on Fifth Street,“ Judith said. “But we had to admit that it had the state-of-the-art exercise facility we were looking for. After a couple visits, we knew it was the place for us. In fact, we like it so much, Bob is getting circumcised next Thursday.”

As for the Henman family, they are anxious to see what Lucy finds for them. “Being without a church home these past few weeks has really taken a toll on our family,” Mrs. Henman admitted. “Just the other day Phil was dealing with a lot of stress at work and he needed a pastor to show him how Jesus dealt with project deadlines. If Lucy doesn’t hurry up and find us a church soon, we may be forced to open a Bible and look for the answer ourselves.”

Sarcasm at its finest: Happy spots and Hollywood.

Sometimes you can just use a good laugh.

The following video is a great follow-up of the post Woe Unto You.

And this video is a great follow-up to The Idolatry of Celebrity Worship.


True Christian Love

Love is the Queen of the Christian graces. It is a holy disposition given to us when we are born again by God. It is the love of God shed abroad in our hearts by the Holy Spirit. True spiritual love is characterized by meekness and gentleness, yet it is vastly superior to the courtesies and kindnesses of the flesh.

We must be careful not to confuse human sentimentality, carnal pleasantries, human amiability and affability with true spiritual love. The love God commands, first to Himself and then to others, is not human love. It is not the indulgent, self-seeking love which is in us by nature. If we indulgently allow our children to grow up with little or, no Scriptural discipline, Proverbs plainly says we do not love them, regardless of the human sentimentality and affection we may feel for them. Love is not a sentimental pampering of one another with a loose indifference as to our walk and obedience before the Lord. Glossing over one another’s faults to ingratiate ourselves in their esteem is not spiritual love.

The true nature of Christian love is a righteous principle which seeks the highest good of others. It is a powerful desire to promote their welfare. The exercise of love is to be in strict conformity to the revealed will of God. We must love in the truth. Love among the brethren is far more than an agreeable society where views are the same. It is loving them for what we see of Christ in them, loving them for Christ’s sake.

The Lord Jesus Himself is our example. He was not only thoughtful, gentle, self-sacrificing and patient, but He also corrected His mother, used a whip in the Temple, Severely scolded His doubting disciples, and denounced hypocrites. True spiritual love is above all faithful to God and uncompromising towards all that is evil. We cannot declare, ‘Peace and Safety’ when in reality there is spiritual decay and ruin!

True spiritual love is very difficult to exercise because it is not our natural love. By nature we would rather love sentimentally and engender good feelings. Also many times true spiritual love is not received in love, but is hated as the Pharisees hated it. We must pray that God will fill us with His love and enable us to exercise it without dissimulation toward all.

A.W. Pink
1886 – 1952