The Reformed Gadfly had this funny post on how easy it is to start your very own seeker friendly church. All you need is a hip retro visual and a cool tune to get started. I can only imagine what would have become of Christianity if only the Apostles of the early Church had as much “vision” (your buzzword for the day) as the men running the mega-churches today.
Christ Alone Wyoming 
1. Throw out the King James Bible.
2. Replace the choir with a hip contemporary band.
3. Shift from suits and modest attire to casual laid back dress.
4. Remove all visible distinctions from the world.
5. Create a fun non convicting atmosphere.
6. Change the appearence of your property so that it looks no different from a corporate business building.
7. Hand out lots of surveys and ask the community and church members what they want in a church.
8. Never Never pray and ask God how to build a local church and by all means stay away from the book of Acts which provides a true blueprint.
9. Find out as much as you can about psychology.
10. Learn how to be relevant.
11. Never talk about sin, conviction, repentance, conversion, regeneration, separation from the world, crucifying the flesh, seeking first the kingdom, placing affection on things above and Spirit led living.
12. Bring in a really cool Starbucks type coffee bar.
13. Use a laptop at the pulpit instead of a Bible.
14. Have really short services.
15. Stress that YOU are the boss and everyone must submit to YOU. This will be crucial as you try to convince the real Christians they cannot leave your social club because YOU are their covering.
16. Learn how to network with other ministries so YOU can put the word out and anniahlate anyone who decides to leave YOUR church because of the changes YOU are making.
17. Become very clever and subtle in identifying any staff who don’t embrace YOUR vision so that YOU can make an example of them by firing them.
18. Do everything you can to place as much emphasis and attention on YOU not Jesus Christ. YOUR ministry, YOUR website, YOUR campaigns should all be named after YOU.
19. Bring in a really good advertising and marketing firm who know how to work on people’s emotions and senses because The Word of God and His Spirit just won’t work.
20. While YOU are building YOUR ministry or church and making these changes make sure that YOU control who is or is not in YOUR pulpit. Only allow those who will embrace and endorse YOUR vison. Do not allow anyone in YOUR pulpit who may expose what is really going on and that YOU are building YOUR kingdom on the backs of God’s people.
21.Learn how to make Christians believe that they cannot hear God for themselves.YOU must make them dependent upon YOU.
22. Never teach God’s people who they are in Christ Jesus and that they have a personal relationship with HIM through Jesus Christ themselves. If they learn who they are and walk in that at some point they will hear Him when He tells them to leave YOU.
23. Never tell God’s people to open their Bibles when YOU are teaching. Just quote Scripture or refer to a passage.
24. Always know when someone with a strong Apostolic anointing is in town so that you can control….oops, I mean warn YOUR people not to go to the meeting. The Apostolic anointing usually expose error and false doctrine and false teaching but hey YOUR people don’t need to know that.
25. YOU must also learn how to train YOUR people on how to recruit new members…oops, I mean’t evangelize the community. This should NEVER be done by living a crucifyed life in front of unbelievers oops, I mean’t the target audiance. Never let them see the fruit of the Spirit or the glorious light of the gospel of Jesus Christ. Invitation cards, attendance contest, concerts, entertainment, movie clips and Hollywood “Christian” celebrities should only be used.
26. Teach YOUR people how to attack, vilify, persecute, discredit and maliciously entreat all Christians who love the truth of God’s word that calls them to righteousness. holiness and sanctification.
27. Never tell YOUR people that they must separate from the world, sin and unbelievers. This might affect YOUR numbers as YOU mix the profane with the holy.
28. Teach YOUR people that anyone who choses the truth of God’s word over YOUR vision is divisive and unloving.
29. YOU must never hold YOUR accountable anyone. YOU and YOU alone are in authority.
30.Always remember, it is all about YOU. YOUR vision of the biggest church in town, YOU being the biggest preacher on TV. YOU being the most sought after speaker. Forget about feeding God’s sheep and protecting them from wolves! YOU are the main focus. Yes they work and labor and support YOUR ministry but this is about YOU. Whatever it takes to become one the big boys in ministry YOU must do. IT’s a dog eat dog world out there and YOU have got to get YOURS. All those other ministries out there YOU can’t see them as fellow laborers in the gospel because they are competitors. YOU must take on a mafia mentality and protect what’s YOURS! Who cares if YOU are leading God’s people astray? They don’t even know what Laodicea is or how to find it in the book of Revelation. They don’t know what Apostasy is or the falling away in the last days because YOU haven’t told them. They don’t even know that their Bible calls them out of the false church! YOU just keep doing what YOU are doing and YOU will be BIG time.
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