by

How to tell if you’re “word of faith.”

HOW TO TELL IF YOU’RE WORD OF FAITH:
13. You’ve been overheard saying, “Touch not God’s anointed” at least twice this week.
12 You stand in front of the water cool for seven hours praying in tongues, rebuking the spirit of emptiness, and then shout praises to God for his provision because the Sparkletts delivery driver showed up.
11 Joni Erickson Tada must be a filthy sinner. If only that poor woman would eat some of that Miracle Manna you’ve been sending her.
10 You lay hands on the TV and pray every time you see a pet talking in a show, knowing you can cast out that demon!
09 You’ve read and memorized and freely quote Your Best Life Now and Becoming A Better You. The Bible? Not so much.
08 You threaten those faithless heresy-hunters with law suits.
07 You think Joyce Meyers is a sell-out for having a study bible.
06 Your pastor sells his sweaty hankies on eBay as points of contact.
05 $150 for Calvin’s Institutes is a waste of money, but that seed gift of $599.95 to Benny Hinn is gonna pay off!
04 The license plate on your primer colored 1987 Toyota Corolla says “LTLGOD” and the frame says “WITH FAITH THIS CAR IS A BMW.”
03 The only Trinity you care about involves a guy with bad theology and a woman with worse hair.
02 Evangelism is telling someone about Joel Osteen.
01 You think Family Christian Bookstores and Christian Book Distributors are too conservative.
Thanks to Berry for all the material and M&M’s.

3 thoughts on “How to tell if you’re “word of faith.””

  1. #14 Senator Charles Grassley has you on speed-dial

    #15 You think “persecution” means having to settle for a BMW instead of a Bentley

    #16 Your bodyguards’ “weapons of warfare” are semi-automatic

    Like

  3. LOL

    “12 You stand in front of the water cool for seven hours praying in tongues, rebuking the spirit of emptiness, and then shout praises to God for his provision because the Sparkletts delivery driver showed up.”

    or the vending machine when it is out of your favorite snack or drink

    Like

Tell us what you think:

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.