Worldly wisdom from a Christian women’s magazine
on a matter already addressed in Scripture.
My wife still receives the magazine Today’s Christian Woman after subscribing to it a couple years ago (before we knew better). TCW is published by Christianity Today (which is a perfect name for it because it bears no resemblance to the Christianity of yesterday). TCW’s target audience is mainstream, affluent, suburban, women of the Laodicean church.
In their latest July/August issue, I came across a little blurb designed to help women get their unregenerate husbands into a church to warm a seat. I decided to reprint the blurb (which was adapted from a book) below for the readers of DefCon to see how far American Christianity has fallen.
Pew Partners.
Wish your spouse spent Sunday mornings with you? Choose a church with these man-friendly characteristics.
* Large congregation
* No denominational affiliation
* Strict Scriptural adherence
* Young, multiracial crowd
* Authoritative, male pastor
* Informal dress
* Modern technology
* Fun services
Adapted from How Women Help Men Find God by David Murrow (Thomas Nelson)
Granted, not all of the suggestions are bad, but the overall theme is what’s of concern (how much poison would you like in your glass of water?).
I can’t help but wonder what a mess this will create if someone follows this and it works. Instead of an unregenerate man who stays at home on Sunday mornings who could still possibly be reached with the gospel one day, you now have an unregenerate man sitting in a circus church on Sunday mornings who was manipulated into church by his wife and had his fleshly needs catered to by the ear-tickling pastor during one of those great modern technological church extravaganza shows.
Furthermore, the husband is now inoculated from the true gospel because he thinks himself in good standing with God because he’s begun attending church, (and no one in that church would dare challenge him to examine himself daily because that would be “judging”).
This spiritual self-deception will only be furthered if the husband ends up repeating a lifeless prayer of salvation after hearing a non-threatening, positive, upbeat, message on the life-lessons of King David during one of those “fun services” in which the pastor coaxed the audience to “try Jesus, He’ll make your life better.”
Sadly, unless a true conversion has taken place, this man will just be “playing church” and everything will remain the same as it was at home before he began attending church. His kids will grow up understanding what a true hypocrite looks like because daddy doesn’t act in church the way he acts throughout the rest of the week. This will more than likely turn his kids off to the Faith and they may rebel and reject Christianity based off this experience of growing up with a fake Christian in their midst.
But what does the Scriptures say about how a godly wife is to handle her unbelieving husband? Surprisingly it makes no mention of church attendance at all:
In the same way, you wives, be submissive to your own husbands so that even if any of them are disobedient to the word, they may be won without a word by the behavior of their wives, as they observe your chaste and respectful behavior. (1 Peter 3:1-2)
Ahh, so according to Scripture, the real work is done in the home–in your everyday life–not in some church that caters to men’s needs.
By following the clear command of Scripture it would be better for the wife to remain faithful to the Lord’s instruction and not compromise, capitulate, and water-down her witness by resorting to manipulation in order to get dad to merely be a presence in a church.
It would be better for her children to grow up seeing the contrast between a godly mother and an ungodly father, and learn from their mother’s steadfast faithfulness to do what is commanded of her in Scripture. The above suggestions from TCW, however, would have the kids grow up with mom the compromiser of the faith, and dad the hypocrite of the faith.
What a train wreck we create when we attempt to do the job of the Holy Spirit and cajole, trick, manipulate, and force people into the kingdom of God via church attendance. But hey, all that matters is you got your “pew partner,” right?
Christ Alone Wyoming 
I couldn’t agree more. I know God’s word doesn’t need my confirmation, but I lived this out in my own marriage. While my relatives ran their spouses away by trying to do what only God can, I was loving my husband and cultivating my own relationship with God. When he noticed the changes in me coupled with the love I continued to show him, he became curious. This led to open discussions and his eventual acceptance of Jesus. Nagging or manipulation would not have done that.
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The title and the first line of their article says it all, “Pew Partners. Wish your spouse spent Sunday mornings with you?”
Totally self focused. Nothing there about Christ or the cross. No mention of desiring your husband to be saved, knowing the depth of God’s saving grace…
Sad and selfish, which as you stated, only serves to cause a “train wreck”.
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This is so true what you have said, Pilgrim, and I wish more people would listen AND follow the Word of God. The problem is that the mainstream, affluent, suburban, women of the Laodicean church don’t really care because they are trying to manipulate their husband into doing what THEY want him to do! They know something is wrong but if you share it with them then they get angry and say you are “judging” them (just like the unsaved husbands would say). In the end, everyone loses out because everyone is being selfish and following their own desires (including the children because they are allowed to do whatever they want unless it conflicts with the parents’ wants)!
Very sad state of affairs that will continue on because being conformed to the image of Christ and worshiping God in every area of life is not accepted by most “Christians”.
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In a culture where merely saying a salvation prayer means that you are born again, things like this should not surprise. I am reminded of a Paul Washer sermon: so often Christianity dupes people into thinking that the path to heaven is giving up the things that they love (sin) and practicing the things that they hate (religion) rather than being born again and becoming a new creation.
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That is so true!
I praise God that I have a husband who speaks the truth from God’s word and seeks to do what is right even though he has lost many friends through it!
Maybe if these women followed 1 Peter 3 they’d find out that God’s way is loads better than man’s way!
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Very insightful post. Thank you for posting the scripture. Better for an unbeliever to stay home and do nothing, but someday hear the true gospel and be convicted of sin, and exhorted to trust Christ by faith, than go to a circus church to be entertained and made comfortable and just “plugged in” for a lifetime. The believing wife must trust God, be obedient to this scripture, pray, have faith and not fear. It is so wonderful how God addresses every situation in life that a believer may face.
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This is what happens time and time again when we stray from God’s word, we must ‘drum up’ warm bodies to fill the pews, even though souls remain lost. If people would only cry out for discernment! The damage women do by not living scripturally is scary. Then, when they do drag their husbands to church, they proceed to ‘elbow’ them when the notorious invitation is given…aarrgghh!!! This whole shenanigan reminds me of this passage, ‘”Woe to you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! For you travel land and sea to win one proselyte, and when he is won, you make him twice as much a son of hell as yourselves.” This cookie cutter Christianity is so heartbreaking.
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Our churches are full of men who are just there due to keeping peace in the family. They aren’t there due to being converted, but because of a nagging wife. It is very rare for the nominal pew-sitting husband to become truly convicted of their sin and repent, especially after having “been in church for so long.” They become hardened to the gospel after hearing the typical ear tickling.
I am blessed to have a husband that takes our family to church eagerly.
Berean Wife
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EEWW, there’s a speck of mold on my piece of bread…no big deal it’s small enough…
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You observed, “Ahh, so according to Scripture, the real work is done in the home–in your everyday life–not in some church that caters to men’s needs.” in reference to the quote from Peter (who was NOT the pope!).
This is most delicious to me, as I was a false convert for 30 years, including the first 16 years of my marriage. My wife was obedient to that Scripture and the Lord saved me in His time for His good pleasure. We had been members of a church that did lots of those things, and it was filled with lots of dead men’s bones. When God saved me, some people who had known me saw something different and wanted to know what had happened to me. I thought it was a personal revival – determined later that it was salvation. Was no fruit of God in my life before my “revival”; but soon thereafter many people saw sprouts!
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Ugh! I hear, instead of love and compassion for women who have become saved and their husbands are still lost…I hear jealousy and anger that anyone would suggest a church that doesn’t sound like yours!
You can have a church that models the above points AND have a church that will interest a non-believer enough for him to HEAR the Truth AND to be presented with the Gospel! Geez folks….why are you all so negative!!!
Are you actually telling all women who have unsaved husbands to NOT give them an opportunity to join them in church until he’s saved? Are you actually saying that no one is allowed to go to your church unless they are believers??
Do you have signs on the outside of your church that says…if you are not a follower of Christ…stay out until you see osmeone modeling the Christian life for you and then you may come on in!
Sorry folks, but thats the way it comes across to me!
Signed…a follower of the Lord Jesus Christ who attends a NON DENOMINATIONAL, Bible believing church, led by a truly strong man of God, which uses fun and State of the art technology. Unfortunately, we do not yet have a multi racial church but we certainly hope we will draw others in and will accept them!
I know many people who were drawn in by the Love of this church and others, the TRUTH being preached and the Gospel being told!
YES a wife is to model Christ first and formost. But, there is nothing wrong with her finding a church that will definitely draw her unbelieving husband into the services to hear that truth and gospel! If she is going to a boring church with a mealy mouthed man or a woman preaching…he’s not going to be as intrested in staying as in a church such as the one described above. NOT all, and I owuld say MOST humungous churches teach the TRU?Th and the Gospel is evident!
disgusted with Christians fighting Christians!
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karen,
No Christ-centered church would actively seek to keep out lost people – nor would they actively seek to include them. Lost and saved folk need the Gospel – none should be comfortable being confronted by their sin and the perfection of God. Lost folks who come into a Christ-centered church ought to be convicted and ought to hear “repent and believe on the Lord Jesus!”.
Christians ought to sharpen one another and always be on the watch for false teachers and false converts – both are bad for the church. All who are redeemed ought to be humble enough to examine themselves and not be prideful in anything, boasting only in the biblical Christ. Too many churches preach a Christ that is not found in the Bible, leading many to destruction.
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I haven’t read this article, but I have read Murrow’s book, Why Men Hate Going to Church. His thesis is that one of the most significant reasons is because churches are feminine. During the Industrial Revolution, the sign “If you don’t work Sundays, you don’t work here on Mondays.” was quite common. As a result, the church structure – and sometimes, the doctrine – was changed to accommodate who was coming to church; women and children. His argument is that it never changed back, leaving men to feel that church is a women’s place with no masculinity allowed. Hence, as he puts it, “the task is not to bring men back to church, but bring church back to men.”
I’m not going to recount the book – which I recommend – but I will say that in the context of that book, I find it hard to believe that this is about “itchy ears.”
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Men love power. We love big fast engines, high torque motors, muscle, and dominance over others. We love to hear we need to be more masculine. It gives us a sense of cutting lose the restraints, riding roughshod over others, turning every discussion into a battle of wills (to be won of course at all costs, relishing the thrill of victory). We don’t like to submit, so the very concept of putting our flesh to death, denying ourselves, turning the other cheek, etc. is loathsome and oh so “unmanly”. And what “jesus” do “real men” want? The “coach jesus” who cheers on the conquering spirit, the thirst for more power, and the inflated ego. Consequently Driscoll’s “prize fighter jesus”, “punch you in the mouth dude jesus”, party-crasher, boozing “jesus” is attractive to the “manly man” who stigmatizes fundamental churches for preaching a “feminized false jesus”. And so other churches who want to attract men follow similar reasoning: make “jesus” attractive to men.
No, it’s not any “feminization of the churches” that keep worldly men away (though that’s a well-worn excuse). It’s the fear of loss of power inherent in submitting one’s will to Christ.
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@DavidW
Whilst I accept that having to nail one’s ego to The Cross will indeed keep worldly men away, there most definitely has been a feminisation of the church, which has turned the mainstream denominations into places with watered-down, touchy-feely unscriptural doctrines which are deeply unappealing to godly men. Come to Britain, David, and take a tour of a dozen or so churches in the mainstream denominations — you’ll see what I mean.
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Paul, you are very right. I pastored in England, land of my birth, for 5 years and saw this firsthand. Very few take a stand for truth, and most churches are filled with women and children only.
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