As a follow-up to CD’s post, I found this video of how the Seeker-Sensitive, Flesh-Driven Purpose-Driven follower would sing “Ode To Joy,” and who the focus of their worship really is:
In case you can’t understand the lyrics, here they are:
Me me me me
Me me me me
Me me me me
Me me me me
(Repeat)
Galatians 6:14—God forbid that I should glory but in the Cross of Christ, by which the world was crucified unto me, and I was crucified unto the world!
For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes . . . Romans 1:16
How you read Romans 1:16 tells a lot about you. Which of the following best resembles how you interpret the text?
For I am not ashamed of the gospel (the death burial and resurrection of our Lord and Savior), for it (the preaching of that gospel and absolutely nothing else) is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes (not a superficial shallow mental ascent, but a complete dependence and trust upon Christ) . . .
– Christian
For I am not ashamed of the gifts of the spirit, for they are proof of the power of God and proof of your salvation to everyone who believes . . .
-Charismaniac
For I am not ashamed of pleading for money, for sowing your faith seed offering is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes . . .
-Word of Faith Charismaniac
For I am not ashamed of Mary, the Pope, and the Mother Church, for they are the power of God and the only way to salvation to everyone who believes and receives the sacraments, attends meritorious masses, is baptized, keeps the law, does good works, purchases indulgences, endures purgatory, etc. . . .
– Roman Catholic
For I am not ashamed of the gospel of the New Earth that we peddle door to door, for the Watchtower is the only ones who speak for God and is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes and exhaustively works their tails off for the Watchtower almost every waking hour of the day for their entire life to obtain Jehovah’s favor, which is not guaranteed . . .
– Jehovah’ Witness
For I am not ashamed of the restored gospel, even though I am ashamed and embarrassed about our church history and the things our church prophets have said (that was just their opinion and they were not speaking for God when they said all those awful things) for the Melchizadek Priesthood which only we have is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes and follows the following conditions as outlined in Gospel Principles pages 303-304 (1997 edition): 1.) We must be baptized and confirmed a member of the Church of Jesus Christ. 2.) We must receive the laying on of hands for the gift of the Holy Ghost. 3.) We must receive the temple endowment. 4.) We must be married for time and eternity.In addition to receiving the required ordinances, the Lord commands all of us to– 1. Love and worship God. 2. Love our neighbor. 3. Repent of our wrongdoings. 4. Live the law of chastity. 5. Pay honest tithes and offerings. 6. Be honest in our dealings with others and with the Lord. 7. Speak the truth always. 8. Obey the Word of Wisdom. 9. Search out our kindred dead and perform the saving ordinances of the gospel for them. 10. Keep the Sabbath day holy. 11. Attend our Church meetings as regularly as possible so we can renew our baptismal covenants by partaking of the sacrament. 12. Love our family members and strengthen them in the ways of the Lord. 13. Have family and individual prayers every day. 14. Honor our parents. 15. Teach the gospel to others by word and example. 16. Study the scriptures. 17. Listen to and obey the inspired words of the prophets of the Lord. Finally, each of us needs to receive the Holy Ghost and learn to follow his direction in our individual lives.
– Mormon
For I am not ashamed of the value found in all religions regardless of whether or not they conflict with one another on core issues , for whatever truth is for you, it is the power of God, gods, goddess, no god, or whatever you believe for a better world to everyone who believes or chooses not to believe . . .
– Universalist Unitarian
For I am not ashamed of shameless church marketing, for the end justifies the means and pragmatism is the power of God for filling seats on Sundays to watch our awesome worship rock band followed by our hip and and oh, so cool pastor and we’re also giving away free gas cards to everyone who attends our local campus . . .
– Seeker-Friendly
For I am not ashamed of supporting any socialist cause or liberal issue, for a woman’s right to choose and a homosexual’s right to marry is the power of self–empowerment for salvation from the oppressive chains that the white, Anglo-Saxon, Capitalist, fascists have placed on the backs of everyone in this nation . . .
– Liberal
Romans? Is that in the Bible?
– Emergent / Emerging
** Update ** This post was picked up by Todd Friel and featured on Way of the Master Radio. To find out more, click here.
I’ve read of that woman suing McDonald’s about coffee that’s “too hot” and won, but this takes the cake in my books…
CASCADE TOWNSHIP — A Canton man is suing Zondervan Publishing and a Tennessee-based publisher, claiming their versions of the Bible that refer to homosexuality as a sin violate his constitutional rights and has caused him emotional pain and mental instability.
Bradley LaShawn Fowler, 39, is seeking $60 million from Zondervan, based in Cascade Township, and another $10 million from Thomas Nelson Publishing in the lawsuits filed in U.S. District Court for the Eastern District of Michigan.
Someone tell that man that he’s hauling the wrong folks to court, and he won’t win in the end anyhow. In fact, who he is hauling to court in reality will be his JUDGE one day.
No, this is not a joke, though I wish it was.
The Spanish parliament has voiced its support for the rights of great apes to life and freedom.
In a statement, Pedro Pozas, Spanish director of the Great Apes Project, said, “This is a historic day in the struggle for animal rights and in defense of our evolutionary comrades, which will doubtless go down in the history of humanity.”
Now I am worried if they will extend these rights to all of our “evolutionary comrades” because there might come a day when I can be charged with ‘man’-slaughter or even murder if I consciously kill a mosquito carrying the dengue fever virus.
And, gasp!, won’t eating meat be considered cannibalism?!
In the meantime, does anyone know how I can say “Welcome, cousins!” in ape-ese?
Full Story: Reuters.
Taking a cue from the other contributors here, this will probably be the last bit of bandwidth I waste on this charlatan. But I thought you might enjoy it.
I did it using a program called GIMP, which is a poor man’s VERY POOR MAN’S PhotoShop®.
The well-read, well-studied Bible?
(Click on thumbnail to enlarge picture – Source: Fish With Trish)
(Click on the thumbnail to watch video)
(Click on thumbnail to watch video)
For those who can’t afford the Erasable Bible there’s always this much cheaper alternative:
Thought you could use a good laugh . . . or a good cry. This guy did a great job imitating Rob Bell (from his Nooma video series) and capturing the Emergent mindset.
This air freshener, The Patron Saint of Parking, is a parody. Unfortunately this one, The Patron Saint of Television, isn’t.
Sometimes the traditions of the Romish Church are stranger than those making air fresheners to mock it.
A ripoff of the Nirvana song, inspired by the jackals featured every hour on TBN.
I saw this guy
On my TV
And he was staring
Straight at me
He said he’d heal
My disease
If I would send
Him money please
Don’t know don’t know
Don’t know don’t know
Don’t know don’t know don’t know
Well he’s yellin!
And he’s screamin!
Could it be that
He’s blasphemin?
Send him money
I don’t wanna!
But he told me
That I gotta!
If I do and
God is willing
I’ll find gold in
All my fillings!
Yeah!
As I wait for
My miracle
And migraines still
Pound in my skull
I must admit
The waiting’s tough
Oh is my faith
Not strong enough?
Don’t know don’t know
Don’t know don’t know
Don’t know don’t know don’t know
Dontcha dis the
Path I’ve chosen!
Even though the
Bank’s foreclosin!
And my mortgage
I can’t pay now!
“Money Comin!”
Any day now!
Though by sight you’d
Never guess it!
It’ll come if
I confess it!
Yeah!
I pawned my watch
And sold my car
And I maxed out
My credit cards
But I know I’ll
Get what I need
With one more
Thousand-dollar seed
Don’t know don’t know
Don’t know don’t know
Don’t know don’t know don’t know
Brother Benny
Wants to help me!
If my checkbook
I will empty!
Send it in now!
No delayin!
In the Spirit
He’s a-slayin!
Slingin’ jackets!
Quotin’ verses!
Calling down all
Kinds of curses!
Avanzini!
Pastor TD!
Creflo Taffy!
Stevie Munsey!
Kenny Benny!
Joyce and Jesse!
Drivin’ Bentleys!
Charley Grassley!
Penitentiary!
Thanks to Better Than Gold for the heads up on this delight:
Enjoy a bag of Tetzel’s Pretzels today! Unless of course you gave up salty snack foods for Lent.
HT: Tom in the Box.
A million thanks to Berry and his friends for this list and a million more thanks to Berry for the M&M characters!
Check out How to tell if you’re “word of faith” and How to tell if you’re Emergent.
I found the following list on another blog along with additions by those leaving comments to the original post. They were so poignant that I chose to post them here for the readers of Reformation Nation but I only had 29. So I added number 30 myself to round out the list. Enjoy!
The top 30 signs that you might be an Emergent:
30. Your church has replaced the pulpit with a bar stool.
29. You once read a good story about some Jewish people and a cross.
28. You engineer every conversation so you are able to use the phrase, “you can’t put god in a box,” and laugh like you’ve said the funniest thing in the word.
27. You make everyone define everything before you begin a conversation. Since this takes forever you never really have a conversation.
26. You think hell is a construct somewhere in Tennessee.
25. You think everything is a metaphor for something else.
24. When you hear the word “Orthodox” all you think about is the great food at the Greek Festival every year.
23. You think “Patristics” is a new brand of snack food.
22. Church history started when your pastor was born.
21. The only Creed you know is a once-popular musical act.
20. You only curse around fundamentalists.
19. You leave your church because the sermon was not obscure enough.
18. You refer to your local assembly as “church,” “synagogue,” or “mosque” depending on who you are talking to.
17. Your blog is a rant about how everyone else rants too much.
16. You brag that you have never been pinned down theologically on any issue.
15. The only thing you are sure of is that others cannot be sure of anything.
14. You bring your own wine to communion.
13. You are offended when someone says they are going to “Preach the Gospel” or “Teach the truth” believing they should just “Tell a story.”
12. Instead of a tract, you carry a can of Play-doh in your back pocket.
11. Your website links to Green Peace and the Democratic National Convention just because conservatives are against it.
10. You start a Christian blog, but leave it blank, fearing that you might offend someone.
9. You are not any good at art, yet you continue to present the Gospel by painting stick figures on recycled paper.
8. When you present the Gospel, Heaven is renamed The Matrix and you call Christ Neo.
7. Your church caters from Whole Foods.
6. Every sermon illustration begins with “The other night I was drinking a beer and . . .”.
5. You have yet to read the book of Romans believing Paul was too modern in his thinking.
4. Your car has a bumper sticker that reads “I think my boss is a Jewish carpenter but I can’t know for certain.”
3. You don’t worship on Sundays because everyone else does.
2. You evaluate truth by asking how many people hold to it. If it is too popular, then it is wrong.
1. When someone calls out your name you get angry saying, “Don’t label me.”
HT: Parchment and Pen via Sicarii
Also check out How to tell if you’re seeker-friendly and How to Tell if You’re Word of Faith.
New lyrics to an old classic.
I could think of a few churches where this song would fit in rather perfectly.
Although this video is purely satirical, it’s teeming with truth.
Athough this is complete satire, how long do you think it will be before a church actually does this for real?
If you liked this video, you’ll enjoy these:
Chris had this great video featured on A Little Leaven. I’m sure you will get a kick out of it!
If you enjoyed this video, check out:
This kid gives a wonderfully candid response to the question “If you weren’t a Mormon, what would you be?” How come so many adults are incapable of grasping this?
Just a little “holiday” humor.
What if you took the top four health, wealth, happiness, and prosperity teachers, dressed them up as elves and had them dance to some upbeat “holiday” music? Well, wonder no more. Simply click here and watch for yourself!
HT: A Little Leaven & Elf Yourself
Christ Alone Wyoming 