Did you know that Poison was a Christian rock band?

I bet you didn’t know that, huh? That all those songs they sang about drinking and sex and partying and all other kinds of debauchery were actually declaring the gospel? Well, that’s because you weren’t blessed with the same kind of discernment as Perry Noble of NewSpring church!

Why, if you had simply listened to their lyrics, you would know that Bret Michaels & Co were very faithful in declaring the whole counsel of God! After all, if they weren’t faithful to God’s word, do you really think that Perry Noble would let the “praise” band at NewSpring play their hit song “Nothin’ But A Good Time?”

[/sarcasm]

Oh, yeah, you’re right.

He would……AND HE DID.

You’ll have to go to A Little Leaven to see the video; it won’t embed on WordPress. Of course, it’s just as well.

WOW!! If I had only known that all that time that I thought I was rocking out to Poison because they were singing about the same desires I had–sexual gratification, drunkenness and revelry–they were actually trying to lead me to Jesus!

Er………something.

Just more proof that Perry Noble doesn’t care about preaching the word of God, and that he’s more comfortable joining the filth of the world to the things of God, and creating a worship of his own making, and not according to the ways of God.

Playing the Pharisee Card

It happens. It always happens. Someone styles themselves a prophet, or a teacher. They teach some aberrant doctrine that flat-out contradicts the Bible. Or they bring in AC/DC Satan to minister to the people. They use all kinds of newfangled methods to make people feel comfortable in their sins while not teaching them the necessity to repentance. They gain a large following, people begin to be attracted to their methods and teachings.

We (and others, such as Ken Silva or Ingrid Schlueter) warn others to avoid these people, since their doctrines are capable of leading people away from Christ, and into destruction. We obey the command given to us by the apostle Paul in Romans 16:17-18“Now I urge you, brethren, note those who cause divisions and offenses, contrary to the doctrine which you learned, and avoid them. For those who are such do not serve our Lord Jesus Christ, but their own belly, and by smooth words and flattering speech deceive the hearts of the simple.” And guess what happens? Those folks with the itchy ears get all upset because we are exposing the wolves who are preaching “peace and safety! Peace! Peace!” When there is no peace. And, like the Israelites–to whom God sent prophet after prophet, finally sending His own Son whom they killed–they buck back against the warnings, they continue to follow the wolves who are spoiling the flock, they let their itchy ears guide their thoughts. And then they whip out… Continue reading

The Biblical Qualifications for Teaching Offices in the Church

From Extreme Theology comes a post that ought to be read by every Perry Noble wannabe out there, who doesn’t want to actually teach the Bible, but rather uses it as a coaster for his beer as he watches the latest U2 video and calls it “Bible study.” The article is short, but the guys get right to the point–that being a pastor isn’t about stroking people’s delicate egos; it’s not to make people feel comfortable about their sins; and it sure ain’t about telling people that salvation is “so easy a caveman can do it!” Because if that’s all it means to be a pastor, then–well, a caveman could do it.

The reason they wrote this post is to show the deficiencies that are inherent in the touchy-feely, ooey-gooey, watered-down, candy-coated methods of the typical Seeker-Driven™, Purpose-Driven™, No-Talking-About-The-Cross-Allowed™ megachurches that are more interested in numbers than they are in teaching truth. So, how do the people learn at these places? Well, the “elders” (who are not often worthy of such a title) leave that up to the “small-group, in-home” Bible study groups. And the problem with that is…

This leads to a very important question, “who then is responsible for doing the hard and necessary work of “deep” Bible teaching in a seeker-driven mega church”? Answer: Home Study Group Leaders

This leads to an even more important question, “What training and qualification are these Home Group Leaders getting? The reason I ask this question is because public teachers in the church are subject to the qualifications laid down in the scriptures.

Let’s look at some of the qualification thresholds the Holy Spirit put in place for the teaching office in the church.

1Tim. 3:1 The saying is trustworthy: If anyone aspires to the office of overseer, he desires a noble task. 2 Therefore an overseer must be above reproach, the husband of one wife,sober-minded, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach, 3 not a drunkard, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money. 4 He must manage his own household well, with all dignity keeping his children submissive, 5 for if someone does not know how to manage his own household, how will he care for God’s church? 6 He must not be a recent convert, or he may become puffed up with conceit and fall into the condemnation of the devil. 7 Moreover, he must be well thought of by outsiders, so that he may not fall into disgrace, into a snare of the devil.

Titus 1:5 appoint elders in every town as I directed you— 6 if anyone is above reproach, the husband of one wife, and his children are believers and not open to the charge of debauchery or insubordination. 7 For an overseer,as God’s steward, must be above reproach. He must not be arrogant or quick-tempered or a drunkard or violent or greedy for gain, 8 but hospitable, a lover of good, self-controlled, upright, holy, and disciplined. 9 He must hold firm to the trustworthy word as taught, so that he may be able to give instruction in sound doctrine and also to rebuke those who contradict it.

Titus 1:10 For there are many who are insubordinate, empty talkers and deceivers, especially those of the circumcision party. 11 They must be silenced, since they are upsetting whole families by teaching for shameful gain what they ought not to teach.

Have you noticed the problem yet?

More satire, this time from Sacred Sandwich

I had posted the following on my own blog about a year and a half ago. When you stop to think about it, it is more sad than it is humorous. And that because it is just as relevant now as it was then.

So here, then, is some satire, originally posted by the guys at Sacred Sandwich:

BUSY FAMILY HIRES PERSONAL CHURCH SHOPPER

DECEMBER 2006 — Growing bored with the outdated programs at their present church, the Henman family of Peoria, IL, recently hired Lucy Ditmer, a personal shopper, to find them a new church home to meet their spiritual needs. “Between my boy’s hockey games and my girl’s dance classes, I really don’t have the time to go church shopping,” said Helen Henman. “It’s a great relief to know that Lucy can take care of all that. The last thing Phil and I want to do right now is spend every Sunday morning going to strange churches just to see if they have cushioned seating and a proper food court.”

Ditmer, who has over five years experience as a personal shopper at Macy’s, began advertising her church shopping services when she saw a need for busy families who find it difficult to squeeze a religious life into their hectic schedules. “Most churches nowadays have sermons that last from ten minutes to an excruciating half hour,” Lucy explained. “My clients just don’t want to put themselves through that kind of ordeal when all they really want to know is whether the youth program has a Playstation 3. With my service, the clients just give me a checklist of all their felt needs and I do all the dirty work while they’re sleeping in on Sunday morning.”

One of Ditmer’s recent success stories comes from Judith and Bob Nickerson, a pair of sports enthusiasts who were looking for a church that provided for their physical needs as well as their spiritual ones. “Coming from a Methodist background, we were really surprised when Lucy recommended the Beth Israel Synagogue on Fifth Street,“ Judith said. “But we had to admit that it had the state-of-the-art exercise facility we were looking for. After a couple visits, we knew it was the place for us. In fact, we like it so much, Bob is getting circumcised next Thursday.”

As for the Henman family, they are anxious to see what Lucy finds for them. “Being without a church home these past few weeks has really taken a toll on our family,” Mrs. Henman admitted. “Just the other day Phil was dealing with a lot of stress at work and he needed a pastor to show him how Jesus dealt with project deadlines. If Lucy doesn’t hurry up and find us a church soon, we may be forced to open a Bible and look for the answer ourselves.”

NewSpring, Perry Noble, and Dr. James Duncan.

As a follow-up to Fourpointer’s post from two days ago, I want to direct your attention to a situation that has arisen between Perry Noble’s church and Dr. James Duncan, a vocal critic of Noble.

I will not attempt to rehash the ugly situation here, but will direct you to the following piece written by Dr. Duncan on the matter: Holy Rage at the Spring

I also highly recommend a fantastic two-part podcast from Pirate Christian Radio on this situation. In the first half of part one of this podcast Chris Rosebrough interviews Dr. Duncan regarding the character assassination and wholly unbiblical and non-Christian acts perpetrated against Dr. Duncan by staff of NewsSpring in retaliation to his vocal opposition to Noble. The second half of part one concludes with Rosebrough’s critique of a Perry Noble sermon. Part two of the podcast is Rosebrough’s continuation of this critique.

You can download the podcasts here:

Perry Noble’s employees assassinate the character of a critic: Part One

Perry Noble’s employees assassinate the character of a critic: Part Two

Frankly, I am not surprised that this whole awful situation has transpired. The current culture that’s being fostered in such churches as NewSpring is that the leader is not to be questioned. When the cults act this way it’s identified as a sign of conditioning and thought-control, but when mega-churches act this way we’re supposed to shut up because Noble’s god told him that those outside of his church who criticize him are jackasses and are to be ignored.

The intolerance and anger that comes from Noble is nothing that his critics should be surprised at. After all, this is the guy, if you’ll recall, who gave a tongue-lashing to his own congregation for expecting their pastor to . . . . well, be a pastor.

Welcome to Laodicea, where peace is defined as the absence of all opposition.

Quotes (636)

“For centuries the Church stood solidly against every form of worldly entertainment, recognizing it for what it was—a device for wasting time, a refuge from the disturbing voice of conscience, a scheme to divert attention from moral accountability. For this she got herself abused roundly by the sons of this world. But of late she has become tired of the abuse and has given over the struggle. She appears to have decided that if she cannot conquer the great god Entertainment she may as well join forces with him and make what use she can of his powers. So today we have the astonishing spectacle of millions of dollars being poured into the unholy job of providing earthly entertainment for the so-called sons of heaven. Religious entertainment is in many places rapidly crowding out the serious things of God. Many churches these days have become little more than poor theaters where fifth-rate “producers” peddle their shoddy wares with the full approval of evangelical leaders who can even quote a holy text in defense of their delinquency.

And hardly a man dares raise his voice against it.”

A.W. Tozer
1897 – 1963