This video is highly offensive to pirates (and all five of your senses).
Satan is a quadriplegic?
God wants me to be a sunbeam?
Did they kill that baby bird to make their point?
Words escape me.
No trip down “Bad Theology Lane” would be complete without Tillie the Bible Clown and Super Adrian.
Wait, doesn’t this video contradict Tille the Bible Clown’s superhero theology?
And finally, imagine how silly it would be if a worship band performed while dressed as clowns. Imagine no more!
For those who enjoyed playing Postmodern Twister, now there’s the Postmodern Chemistry Set:
The following great piece comes from Jake Hunt at WiserTime:
You’ve seen these, right? They make me mad. Why? Because they don’t really mean what they say.
Let’s break it down. We’ll call each worldview by the letter it’s supposed to represent. So:
- C = Islam
- O = Pacifism
- E = “Gender equality” (=the LGBT agenda)
- X = Judaism
- I = Wicca / Pagan / Bah’ai
- S =Taoism / Confucianism
- T = Christianity
And let’s assume a very broad definition of “coexist”: living together without calling for the destruction of each other. Here are the problems with that:
- C wants to kill E, X, T, and (by implication) O. If they achieved the world they wanted, I and S would also no longer exist.
- O doesn’t allow for effective resistance or defeat of C.
- E stands in direct opposition to C, X, and T, and accuses those who speak against them of hate speech. Also, they’re trying to edge X and T out of public schools in favor of their own agenda. (They’re afraid C will be offended, so they get less trouble.) E is actually very, very intolerant.
- X’s existence is threatened not only by C but also by O, who invariably supports C over X.
- I and S are statistically insignificant and are mainly on there to complete the bumper sticker.
- T is who the bumper sticker is really arguing against, but poses no physical threat to any of the others.
Historically, T has brought about more tolerance– “coexistence” if you will– than any other movement. But the kind of “coexistence” the people who make this sticker envision is one where at least X and T are completely marginalized.
I had posted the following on my own blog about a year and a half ago. When you stop to think about it, it is more sad than it is humorous. And that because it is just as relevant now as it was then.
So here, then, is some satire, originally posted by the guys at Sacred Sandwich:
BUSY FAMILY HIRES PERSONAL CHURCH SHOPPER
DECEMBER 2006 — Growing bored with the outdated programs at their present church, the Henman family of Peoria, IL, recently hired Lucy Ditmer, a personal shopper, to find them a new church home to meet their spiritual needs. “Between my boy’s hockey games and my girl’s dance classes, I really don’t have the time to go church shopping,” said Helen Henman. “It’s a great relief to know that Lucy can take care of all that. The last thing Phil and I want to do right now is spend every Sunday morning going to strange churches just to see if they have cushioned seating and a proper food court.”
Ditmer, who has over five years experience as a personal shopper at Macy’s, began advertising her church shopping services when she saw a need for busy families who find it difficult to squeeze a religious life into their hectic schedules. “Most churches nowadays have sermons that last from ten minutes to an excruciating half hour,” Lucy explained. “My clients just don’t want to put themselves through that kind of ordeal when all they really want to know is whether the youth program has a Playstation 3. With my service, the clients just give me a checklist of all their felt needs and I do all the dirty work while they’re sleeping in on Sunday morning.”
One of Ditmer’s recent success stories comes from Judith and Bob Nickerson, a pair of sports enthusiasts who were looking for a church that provided for their physical needs as well as their spiritual ones. “Coming from a Methodist background, we were really surprised when Lucy recommended the Beth Israel Synagogue on Fifth Street,“ Judith said. “But we had to admit that it had the state-of-the-art exercise facility we were looking for. After a couple visits, we knew it was the place for us. In fact, we like it so much, Bob is getting circumcised next Thursday.”
As for the Henman family, they are anxious to see what Lucy finds for them. “Being without a church home these past few weeks has really taken a toll on our family,” Mrs. Henman admitted. “Just the other day Phil was dealing with a lot of stress at work and he needed a pastor to show him how Jesus dealt with project deadlines. If Lucy doesn’t hurry up and find us a church soon, we may be forced to open a Bible and look for the answer ourselves.”
Sometimes you can just use a good laugh.
The following video is a great follow-up of the post Woe Unto You.
And this video is a great follow-up to The Idolatry of Celebrity Worship.
With NASA’s planned bombing of the moon this Friday (see the news article here), I have to ask again (as I did last year when the announcement was first made), Will the Mormon church be able to stop NASA’s planned assault of the moon?
Since Mormon leaders have taught that the moon is populated (along with the sun), I anticipate that the LDS church will vehemently protest this planned attack on the moon. I expect to see the LDS church publicly confront NASA on their disregard for human life and their insensitivity to the inhabitants of the moon.
This NASA experiment has the potential to not only harm the human inhabitants of the moon, but if the moon dwellers are growing any of those spiritual LDS vegetables, those crops and their entire agricultural infrastructure are sure to be decimated as well.
Can the LDS save the moon people and spiritual veggies in time? If they don’t take a stand here and now Kolob may be next!
In light of all the editions and revisions being made to the Word of God in recent years, we understand much of this has been done to suit the belief system of the editors. With that in mind as well as recent events such as Ravi at the Mormon Tabernacle and Driscoll at the Crystal Cathedral, we recommend the following changes. We are certain these will be much more in keeping with the issue of relevancy and contextualization. In addition, it will ensure that people like all those meanies, judgmental Pharisee-types here at DefCon will have to close shop for they will no longer have a Biblical leg to stand on.
In each example, we will start with the original and then put in the suggested revision to match what we are seeing and hearing today.
Let’s start with Acts 2:22, 23, 36, 37 – “22 Men of Israel, hear these words: Jesus of Nazareth, a Man attested by God to you by miracles, wonders, and signs which God did through Him in your midst, as you yourselves also know– 23 Him, being delivered by the determined purpose and foreknowledge of God, you have taken by lawless hands, have crucified, and put to death; 36 Therefore let all the house of Israel know assuredly that God has made this Jesus, whom you crucified, both Lord and Christ. 37 Now when they heard this, they were cut to the heart, and said to Peter and the rest of the apostles, ‘Men and brethren, what shall we do?'”
REWRITE – “22 Hey dudes, listen up: Jesus of Nazareth, who claimed to be God did some really cool things that some people might call miracles and then told us that God did it through Him. Well, you guys are smart enough to figure out for yourselves whether that was the case or not. 23 At any rate, you guys have heard about Him before, if nothing else, you use His name all the time at the workplace. Well, the Romans put Him on a cross because He was like, well, um, you know, He was making the kind-hearted, very religious, good-upright Jews unhappy and He even tried to start a few riots. 36 Well, this same Man Who got crucified also claimed to be both Lord and the Christ. We want all you guys to follow Him because after all when you reach the end of your current journey, He will be there to greet all of us with open arms. 37 So when the multitude heard the nice things that the apostles said, they decided to invite them back again to the next Jerusalem conference knowing they could trust these men not to confuse the issues. They knew that these men were not going to rock the boat and demand they do nasty things like repentance. They knew they wouldn’t call them down for their sins but would instead seek to lift up their self-esteem. 42 Because of the really cool programs, and the worldly music they offered at the First Church of Jerusalem, and the contextualized messages that encouraged their depravity such as “Biblical Sex for 40 Days Except the Sabbath” the church grew exponentially and was featured on all the late-night talk shows from Jerusalem to Asia Minor.”
Example 2 – Acts 7:51-55, “51 You stiffnecked and uncircumcised in heart and ears! You always resist the Holy Spirit; as your fathers did, so do you. 52 Which of the prophets did your fathers not persecute? And they killed those who foretold the coming of the Just One, of whom you now have become the betrayers and murderers, 53 who have received the law by the direction of angels and have not kept it.” 54 When they heard these things they were cut to the heart, and they gnashed at him with their teeth. 55 But he, being full of the Holy Spirit, gazed into heaven and saw the glory of God, and Jesus standing at the right hand of God.”
REWRITE – Example 2 – Acts 7:51-55, “51 Listen up fellows. I am not here to offend you in anyway, but you know we have all done a few things we shouldn’t have done in our lives, and I’m sure there are times we all ignore what the Holy Spirit is trying to get us to do, but hey, after all, we are only human and God understands this. 52 There are some people who didn’t treat the old preachers very well, but I’m sure it wasn’t any of you guys or your ancestors. In fact, history tells us that some people just didn’t understand the prophets and tried to get rid of them, but some of the prophets just weren’t with the program anyway. Well, one or two of those old guys told us that Jesus was coming, and He came. He was a really good guy and hung out with really cool guys like our friend Peter. 53 Jesus told us that we have to just learn to love each other and don’t judge, so who am I to tell you what you need to do. 54 When the gathered nice group of people heard these wonderful things they invited Stephen to be the new president of the Jerusalem Ministerial Association. He was then able to go about preaching more of the great news that “Jesus loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life.” 55 When Stephen saw how much everybody liked him, he cut a lucrative book deal with Jerusalem Christian Bookpress entitled, “49 Days of Learning to Become a Better Religious You.” His ministry expanded to both Europe and Asia, and he was able to walk about with his head held high knowing that he was accepted in every major religious establishment.”
AUTHOR’S NOTE — Personally, I think it will be a best seller and rewriting church history will be the best thing that could happen for Western Christianity Religiosity. Sadly, there are a few downfalls. True Bible believing Christians will reject it as false, but they are in the minority and it won’t affect book sales as most who claim to be Christians are unlearned when it comes to true doctrine anyway. Secondly, this material probably won’t go over to well with the church members that are being persecuted for their faith. However, I’m sure somebody will find a way to make it culturally accepted and the church will probably expand and still be able to get along with the local governments when they stop being so particular about what they will preach. After all, no government could have an issue with Christians preaching the new message of “love yourself”, “build your self-esteem”, and “We never condemn anybody for God wants you just as you are and we don’t care if you stay that way because that is between you and God.”
PS – Not sure how we can rewrite the persecuting parts of Acts like Paul and Silas in prison, but I’m sure any number of modern preachers could help so that it makes us all look better in the end.
PS2 – Stay tuned for the rewrite for the Health, Wealth, and Prosperity Gospel edition.
Just so you know, that’s not a Bible Rob Bell is holding in his hands. You know good and well those hands haven’t touched a Bible in years.
I made the following video this past week. It may appear to be silly, but it is a dire warning for those churches who do nothing more than scratch the ears of their ticklish members. These “churches” that use music by atheists like The Beatles; “churches” who find more inspiration from wretched, abominable movies than they do from the Word of God; and “churches” that use gimmicks like “Vegas Night” and who produce idiotic videos (like this one in San FranFreakshow) are headed toward what is depicted in this video.
Their justice does not slumber.
And speaking of Crowder and Dunn, here is a video that was made by one of their buddies (found it via A Little Leaven. But, of course, the acolytes of these heretics will claim that this blasphemer has led thousands of kids to Christ. And he probably has. Just not the Christ of Scripture). I won’t post it here because it is too vile and vulgar (like Crowder and Dunn themselves), but it shows you just what kind of fruit their pimpistry bears (**WARNING** VISIT AT YOUR OWN RISK. THIS HERETIC MAKES CHOWDER AND DUNG SEEM LIKE PAUL THE APOSTLE). If you can stomach it, read through some of the comments made by the supporters of this heretic. Yeah, real Christ-like (::rolls eyes::)
Question: If “Canaanites” were people who lived in Canaan, and “Amalekites” were people who followed Amalek, and “Midianites,” were people who followed Midian, wouldn’t that mean that “Parasites” are people who follow Paris Hilton?
HT: Word n Verse
Via The Apologetic Front:
Do you have a “Ronnie” in your church?
HT: CRN
Yes, now you, too, can be as (in)famous as Todd Bentley! All you have to do is order The Do-It-Yourself Florida Revival Kit* today!
The Do-It-Yourself Florida Revival Kit
* Taken from Hour 1 of The Way of the Master Radio, first broadcast August 21, 2008.
Picture by CNN.
A Roman Catholic priest has decided to actualize the suggestion of some nuns whom he regularly prays and works with.
Rev. Antonio Rungi, an Italian priest and theologian, has announced that he’ll be organizing an online beauty contest for nuns to “… give them more visibility within the Catholic Church and to fight the stereotype that they are all old and dour.”
Nuns who wish to participate in “Miss Sister 2008” will have to fill out a “pageant profile” that will include information about their life, vocation and a photograph. They can also choose to pose with the traditional veil or with their heads uncovered for the contest.
In case you were wondering, there will be no bathing suit segment, so thank God for that!
Rungi added, “… being ugly is not a requirement for becoming a nun. External beauty is gift from God, and we mustn’t hide it.” Hmm…
Gee, I thought donning the habit was a sign that these women are separate from the world and devoted to serving God. Besides, I wonder what prizes the winner will receive, and if the wish for “world peace” will actually carry more weight coming from a nun.
Next up, a “Beauties of the Nunnery” calendar, anyone?
Source: CNN.
Unfortunately it’s not that simple, so until they start wearing these shirts we must still rely on the Scriptures and discernment to identify the wolves among the sheep.
Christ Alone Wyoming 